Whenever I think of someone famous for not getting it up, I think of Trey from Sex and the City. Remember, Charlotte’s first husband, who was perfect on paper? He had money, family connections, an apartment next to the park. he just couldn’t get an erection.

This was a very big problem for Charlotte, and one that they eventually worked through so that they could move onto other problems. But I often thought: who cares?

If you really like someone, and they’ve got it in every other department, there are plenty of other things you can do. The more focus you on it, the harder it is to get hard. Or so it seems. This story from Reddit user no_boner_love (hmm, guessing it’s a burner account) is food for thought for anyone struggling with sexual expectations. The right attitude can go far.

She starts by saying that she met a really cute guy at a bar and there were sparks right away. She invited him over for dinner — and dessert.

He came over last night and we cooked some food, and started making out. It ended up in the bedroom, and we tore each others clothes off. I was super excited for great sex.

He couldn’t get it up, at all, and he wasn’t drunk. At first I was hesitant, but i stuck with it. It was well worth it, because despite being soft the entire time he was amazing.

She says that even though no tents ever popped, it was some of the best sexual contact of her life. The reason was all in his attitude:

He had the biggest smile on his face the whole time like “oh my gosh I can’t believe this is happening”, while just touching me, everywhere. He made sure I enjoyed myself several times, all the while being completely un-apologetic about his floppy doodle.

This has never happened before, every other man I have been with has had a power-boner the entire time. I would have assumed In this situation I would have felt a mixture of self-conscious, embarrassed, and like i wasn’t good enough… but because of him I wasn’t. I have never felt more confident!

Not mentioning it is even more of a power move than getting a boner. If nothing’s coming up, it’s better that nothing comes up, right? Anyway, the writer is definitely going out with this guy again, and she says that everyone should take a lesson from him:

I’m sure the boner will come in time, and if not, i’m not really fazed. He rocked in bed anyway. I learnt that despite what society says about what good sex is, it’s different for everyone and you shouldn’t feel bad if for whatever reason you can not participate in PIV sex. Just enjoy what you have and go with it!

TL:DR – 10/10 would not have sex with again.

One reader said that this story helped them out:

I’m having surgery tomorrow to have my right testicle removed because of a lump the doctor thinks is cancer. One of the side effects the doctor said is common after this surgery is ED. I feel a little better about things after reading this. Thanks for sharing!

ED stands for Erectile Dysfunction, which is probably a second ominous cloud hanging over you, after the whole surgery thing. Whatever happens, we can find a way to make love to one another. Human ingenuity, folks. That’s how we walked on the moon. (h/t reddit)